Betty's EFT and Hypnotherapy Store

Excerpts from...
"Tapping Your Amazing Potential with EFT -- Creative Ideas and Teaching Tools using Emotional Freedom Techniques and Concepts from Hypnotherapy"

By Betty Moore-Hafter

Chapter 9: Complex Tapping with Affirming Phrases and "Flow"

This section offers ideas for going deeper into issues and for using the EFT process in a flexible manner. Reframing and other affirming phrases can be included, and sometimes we may use a narrative flow of words as we tap.

1. Going deeper

When we tap with people, we become very intuitive. They also become more intuitive about their own issues. The moments after a round of EFT, as we both sit quietly experiencing the effects of the tapping, perhaps with eyes closed, either of us may receive intuitive hunches about where to go next. If you get a feeling that there are deeper issues and more complexity under the surface, then it's good to ask some questions:

• As you sit quietly for a moment after that round of tapping… just notice any thoughts or feelings that come into your awareness…….. [long pause] What are you experiencing?
• Did that round of tapping stir up anything? Just notice what comes into your mind.
• Does this situation [this feeling, this problem] remind you of anything?

"What does this remind you of?" is one of Gary Craig's favorite questions to get to core issues, and it is often amazing what comes up. You know you're onto something when people say, "Well, I don't know why this comes to mind, but it does remind me of [so-and-so]…I hadn't thought of that in years."

The inner mind knows

It is remarkable what each of us knows on an intuitive level, we just don't realize that we know it. Simple questions about the source of an issue can often take things deeper. And when we answer "off the top of our head" or "just guess" or say "the first thing that comes to mind," the conscious mind is less likely to get in the way

• What might be the possible cause of this feeling or belief? If you knew the source of it from your past, what might it be?
• What's your theory about where this comes from? What's your best guess?
• If you did know, what would it be? Just off the top of your head.

The body as metaphor

It is fascinating that our bodies often hold emotion and conflict in ways so familiar to us that our language say it all: "That person is a pain in the neck." "This problem is a headache." "I'm sick to my stomach over this." Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life is a good resource for thinking metaphorically, with lists of physical ailments and associated emotional issues. When you suspect deeper issues or you are making little progress tapping for a physical issue, ask a few metaphorical questions. Usually there is an instant recognition - "Oh my gosh, that's it!" - or else the question is simply not on track and we let it go.

• Since we're working on back pain, I'm just wondering… is there any burden you're carrying? Or is there anyone or anything you can't get off your back?
• Even though I have to take care of my elderly mother and no one helps me…
  it's too much to carry…
  Even though I can't get my brother off my back…
• You said these jaw problems started after your divorce. Sometimes people hold anger and resentment in the jaw area. Do you think there might be any connection?
  Even though I still resent the divorce and I'm holding that resentment in my jaw…

We can also ask open-ended questions:

• If you knew what emotion your body is holding in your _______, what might it be? Whatever first comes to mind, just say it out loud.

A word of caution: We are most respectful when we keep in mind that each of us is the expert on ourselves alone - none of us is the expert on another person. If the questions that attempt to probe deeper don't ring bells for your client, even if you suspect they're on target, it is best to let them go - and let go of any judgment as well. We may be planting seeds of awareness that will help people go further when the time is right.

2. Breaking down the complex issue into tappable parts

One of the key principles taught by Gary Craig is the importance of being specific. If we tap for broad, global issues, there is less immediate progress. Specific events are easier to work with. In addition, any emotional freedom that is accomplished generalizes into the whole complex issue, and the entire thing usually becomes lighter and less upsetting.

Good questions to ask:

• Can you give me an example of this problem in action?
• Tell me about a specific incident that illustrates the problem.
• What is one of the worst times you felt this way? Describe the specific event. What happened?

3. Working with a specific event

The Movie Method.

Gary Craig's "movie method" is an excellent way to proceed. The client makes a brief mental movie of the event and gives it a title. Then as she or he tells the story, you stop and tap whenever there is any emotional intensity, until the client can relate the whole movie with a neutral feeling

• If this were a movie, how long would it be? (We need it to be short, 3-5 minutes. If it's too long, break it into smaller segments or just choose the highlights.)
• If it were a movie, what would be the title?
• When you say the title, do you feel intense? (If so, tap for, "Even though I feel this intensity about "___________" [the title] …)
• Now run the movie in your mind, or narrate it out loud, and tell me what's happening… and whenever you feel anything at all, tell me and we'll tap for it.
• Now run through the first part again - do you feel any more intensity? Etc.

A holistic approach

It can also be useful to gather more information before tapping or at any point in the process. Here are some specific questions to gather information from the different levels of a holistic approach (physical, mental, emotional and spiritual) and different sensory channels of perception (visual, auditory, kinesthetic). Each of these may reveal tappable aspects of the event.

• What do you see when you think about what happened?
• What do you hear when you think about the incident?
• What do you tell yourself about it?
• How does it make you feel? What emotions do you experience?
• Where in your body do you feel it? What are the physical sensations?
• What judgments do you hold about yourself? How does this diminish your spirit and keep you from feeling good about yourself?

(The above questions may be found on the "teaching tool" handout on page 43)

One question that invariably tunes in to the emotional pain is the following:

• What upsets you the most about this?

4. Adding affirming phrases

It is important not to hurry the process, and it may be necessary to do quite a bit of tapping for the negative emotions before there is enough space inside to bring in positive, affirming messages. Then it can feel reassuring to state an intent for healing, a willingness for something to change, and further self-acceptance and self-affirmation.

• Even though…. I'm willing to see this differently.
• Even though…. I want to bring some healing to this situation.
• Even though… I honor myself for how hard that was… I did the best I could.

More specific affirmations can be formulated as the tapping continues, by you and by your client as you work together.

5. Narrative Flow

With so much to tap for, it is sometimes useful to use a narrative flow of words while tapping. The hand-out on page 42 give you some ideas for how to pull this together from the notes you've taken, using your client's own words. In practice, it might sound something like the following example.

"The Night From Hell" - An Example of Complex Tapping:

This participant in an EFT workshop is a young mother. The event is letting her baby cry at night, following the advice of a book instead of trusting her intuition and her feelings. We have already discussed the incident and filled out the Working on a Problem sheet ( page 43) Now we are tapping using the Complex Tapping Guidelines (page 42).

Tapping on the Karate Chop point, stating the "Even though" three times

(1) Even though I went through that "Night from Hell", I deeply and completely accept myself…
(2) and even though I let my baby cry, I'm still a good person…
(3) and even though I still feel terribly guilty, I love and accept myself… (adding the affirming phrase)
…and I want to forgive myself, I was doing the best I could.

Tapping the Points

(Eyebrow) It was a Night from Hell
(Side of Eye) I let my baby cry
(Under Eye) I feel so guilty about it
(Under Nose) What a Night from Hell!
(Under Mouth) I let her cry and cry
(Collarbone) I feel so guilty about that
(Under Arm) Night from Hell, she cried and cried
(Top of Head) I feel so guilty

now switching to affirming phrases
(Karate Chop again) Even so, I'm still a good person
(Inside Wrist) I was doing the best I could.
(Top of Hand) I choose to forgive myself. I was doing the best I could

Deep breath - eyes closed - "What are you experiencing?"

"I'm mainly mad at myself for listening to the book and not trusting my own instincts."

We proceed, continuing to refer to her description of the event on the questionnaire.

2nd round: (Karate Chop point) (1)Even though I'm mad at myself for not trusting my own instincts… I want to accept myself and forgive myself… (2) and even though I still see her little face, her tears, so sad… and I hear her screams… and I feel like I really let her down… I hate myself for that… I want to accept myself and forgive myself… I was doing the best I could…(3) and even though I'm mad at the book too… what an awful way to treat a baby!… I forgive myself for listening to the book… I was really trying to be a good mother… (adding affirming phrases) and I'm willing to consider that this is how we learn… I learned that doesn't work for me…I'm willing to know and believe that no lasting harm was done… I'm willing to consider that my baby has forgotten all about it! We can put the "night from Hell" behind us now…

We tapped for the negative statements with the Eyebrow through Top of Head points… and ended with the positive affirming phrases on the hand points. She felt much relieved and could talk about the whole incident without any upsetting emotions, whereas before she had been in tears.